Father Timothy (redacted)

The Rescue Mission

University of Notre Dame

South Bend, Indiana

Dear Marie,

Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past fourteen years, I have made a tour of Florida, South Georgia, Indiana, Iowa and Illinois and have delivered a series of lectures of the evils of drinking. On this tour I have been accompanied by my young friend and assistant Maude (redacted). Maude, a young woman of good family and excellent background is a pathetic example of life ruined by excessive indulgence in whiskey.

Maude would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform, wheezing and staring at the audience through bloodshot eyes, sweating profusely, making obscene gestures, picking her nose, and passing gas while I would point her out as an example for the people to see what over-indulgence can do to a person.

Recently Maude died. A mutual friend has given me your name and I wonder if you would be available to take Maude’s place on the 1980 tour.

Please contact me for further details.

Yours in Faith,

Father Timothy (redacted)